Frozen Wings
by Shadow's Liight
Summary: After the events in the graveyard, Harry suffers serious post-traumatic stress disorder and has constant flashbacks and nightmares. Can he deal with his own horrors and the Ministry's denial at the same time? AU from end of fourth year onwards.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay so I recently finished the Goblet of Fire movie and admittedly I haven't read the fourth book in awhile so if some facts are a bit tweaked, that's why but hopefully it's not too different from the book's end. But…this is much darker than the original series. A fourteen-year-old taken to a graveyard, trapped and tortured, watching a friend die is very traumatic._

 _The fact that Harry wasn't shown to have too much PTSD confused me because he went through hell at such a young age. This story will be a Harry/Hermione but Ron will not be bashed – I love Ron no matter how much of a git he can be sometimes. This is written for_ _ **fan-freak121's This Vs That Challenge**_ _where the task was to write either a Harry/Hermione or a Harry/Cho. I chose Harry/Hermione. It is also written for the_ _ **100 Ways to Say I Love You Challenge Prompt #18**_ _as it seems to fit this best. Thank you and enough of my rambling – I do hope you enjoy this story!_

* * *

 **1\. Thin Ray of Light**

Harry Potter had felt fear in many stages of life but not as much as this. This had to be one of the worst moments in his life; facing the Triwizard Tournament through all it's dangerous tasks to end up in a graveyard. Of course he had always known that Voldemort had wanted to kill him, but being so close to death was something he had experienced for the first time. The Chamber had been scary but it was nothing compared to this. Trapped against the statue of Voldemort's father, Pettigrew had used his blood to resurrect Voldemort.

It was disgusting. His father's best friend had almost gotten him killed, had trapped just so he could resurrect the man that had killed Harry's parents, that had destroyed his precious friends. The man that he had gotten Remus and Sirius to show mercy and not kill had been the reason he had suffered so much right now. The moment Voldemort had said 'Kill the spare' made him want to scream, to cry out, to protest. This was all his fault. Cedric had been killed because he was the one who had suggested that they take the Portkey together. He had killed Cedric – if he had only listened and not tried to be noble by letting them both take the Cup then this would have never happened.

Tears had filled his eyes but he forced them back because he refused to let Voldemort see such weakness. He felt as if he were stranded alone with no help. He wished for Ron and Hermione to be here, because he didn't know if he was going to make it out of this alive. He wanted to tell Ron he had forgiven him and how much he appreciated him. He wanted to thank Hermione for always being there. He longed to see Sirius one more time to apologise for being the reason for not clearing his name. Cedric was dead and it wasn't long before he would go the same way. After all, what chance did a fourteen-year-old have against a fully grown dark wizard?

 _I'm sorry Ron. I'm sorry Hermione. Sorry Sirius. I didn't know. I didn't know it was a Portkey and I'm sorry I might never get the chance to say goodbye to you. Hermione, I wish I was as bright as you so I could find a way out of this. Ron, can you tell me a funny joke one last time? Who am I kidding? Of course you can't. Neither of you are here, I won't ever be able to see you two argue again. Tell your Mum I'm sorry Ron. Tell her I can't do this anymore._

When Voldemort began talking to him, Harry struggled to escape and break free. He knew it was useless but fear was making him continue to try to fight. He hated how helpless he was. How could Wormtail do this to him? Wormtail owed him his life but right now he might be the reason for his death. He wanted to scream at Voldemort when he talked about his mother's protection but fear had silenced him, rendering him unable to speak. However, screams did leave him when Voldemort touched his scar. An agonizing pain left him, one he had never felt before and he longed to be anywhere but here right now. He wanted to be with his friends. He wanted Dumbledore to get him out of here and protect him for once, he wanted Hermione's gentle reassurance, Ron to crack a joke, but more than any of that he just wanted the pain to end.

Then Voldemort removed his hand and the pain ebbed momentarily but the worst wasn't over. As Harry was released, his heart began to race even faster. He had never been in a real duel and he wanted to run but knew that would tell Voldemort he was scared which was the truth. Initially he did run but then Voldemort taunted him again. A shiver ran down his spine at Voldemort's words. He was going to die, he knew it but a sudden anger surged through him. He wasn't scared of death but he was scared of the torture Voldemort would put on him before killing him because of how long he had waited for this moment. Pushing down his fear, he decided he didn't want Voldemort to feel the satisfaction and would go down fighting till his last breath.

'Crucio!' Voldemort shot a spell and Harry had no time to fight back as the curse hit him full force. Now his eyes did water but he shut them so the other wouldn't see even as if he screamed his heart out. It felt as if someone was ripping flesh in the most painful way possible. He had to do something, he had to fight somehow, do something. He wanted to get back to Ron and Hermione, to Hogwarts. Once he had stopped, Harry shakily got to his feet. As Voldemort shot the curse, this time he was ready for it Mustering up all his strength, he got to his feet and fought back as much as he could. His wand connected with Voldemort's and he felt himself losing strength. He would have lost control of the wand if Cedric, James and Lily Potter's spirits hadn't come out of his wand. They were buying him time to let go and return to Hogwarts but he was scared – what if the Killing Curse hit him? This fight would have been for nothing if he ended up dying at the end of it.

"Do it sweetheart," Lily Potter encouraged and Harry looked into his mother's soft eyes which were as reassuring as Hermione normally was. Thinking this, he let go and rushed to Cedric's body. "Accio Portkey!" He returned back to the grounds, clutching Cedric's body to him tightly.

"Harry!" He could hear Ron and Hermione's cries but overwhelmed by everything that happened, he simply began sobbing.

"HE'S BACK!" Harry sobbed out. "VOLDEMORT'S BACK!" He clutched Cedric's body not letting go even as Dumbledore attempted to pull him away. "No!" He didn't want to let go, he didn't think he could right now. "Cedric asked me to bring his body back. I couldn't leave him – not over there." Tears fell faster than ever as Ron and Hermione pushed through the crowd to rush over to him.

"Harry!" Hermione called out. "Are you alright?"

* * *

Harry couldn't reply to them not as Moody pulled him away but he could see the concern on their faces. He should go them and resist Moody pulling him away but he was in no mood to resist anyway considering the tears would not stop falling. He had never before felt so shaken on what had happened as he did now. He had thought the Chamber of Secrets was the scariest experience yet but because he was too weak, Voldemort was at full power. If he had let Sirius and Remus kill Pettigrew then this would have never happened the way it did. He was a coward.

He slowly nodded albeit weakly when Moody asked him if he was alright or not. He wasn't alright, not by far but he wasn't sure his DADA teacher would understand this to be a fact. His heart was still racing and he wasn't happy about the fact that he had been taken away from Cedric's body. It was all his fault. He was distracted though by Moody asking the strangest questions and tried to reply but couldn't seem to do so. It seemed as if he was more interested in knowing what it was like being in Voldemort's presence than on whether he was alright or not.

"Professor Moody…" Harry began, wanting to say he didn't want to talk about it, wanting to say he didn't have the courage to face such a thing after what he had been through but the other kept talking. It was when he mentioned about others in the graveyard was something that sent his alarm bells ringing. "I don't recall telling you about a graveyard, sir." His eyes grew wide in horror as Moody began to reveal his true self. No way…an Auror had put his name into the Goblet…it couldn't be. Why? Dumbledore had always said that Alastor Moody was one of the most trustworthy Aurors there were. He shifted back in fright as Moody raised his wand but the door opened and he was disarmed before he could do much as Dumbledore, Snape and Mcgonagall came through.

Moody was discovered to really be Barty Crouch Jr. (a death eater) and he was taunting them about Voldemort returning. Tears fell from Harry's cheek as he remembered the helplessness he had felt back then.

"I'm sorry sir," Harry sobbed. "I couldn't do anything." Mcgonagall patted him on the shoulder sympathetically although Dumbledore looked grave as she ushered him out to go see Ron and Hermione. He didn't have the strength to argue so he did so meeting them at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm sorry," Harry said to both of them, voice still shaking. "It's my fault he's back, Pettigrew trapped me…it's my fault, Ron, Hermione. If I had let Pettigrew die last year then this wouldn't have happened…I'm pathetic."

Ron snarled a bit at the mention of Pettigrew but placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry, mate this isn't your fault."

Hermione nodded in agreement, pressing a bottle of Butterbeer into Harry's hand and gently guiding him to sit down on the staircase. She twisted open the bottle and gave it to Harry. "Here, drink this, you'll feel better."

Harry took her advice and drank it, sitting down, placing the bottle to the side and putting his head in his hands. "It's my fault, Ron, Hermione. It's my fault he's back. I'm pathetic. I'm so pathetic." He knew it was his fault. He had saved Pettigrew from Remus and Sirius, he had suggested to Cedric to take the cup together, he was a failure, he was nothing but a pathetic, filthy murderer. Was he really any better than Voldemort?

"Oh Harry," Hermione pulled Harry into a hug, leading Harry to break down once more as he buried his head in her shoulders. The tears had begun to fall once more as he recalled the whole incident. He had panicked upon seeing the name of Tom Riddle, his scar hurting when Wormtail came over there, Cedric attempting to defend them didn't work. Wormtail had killed Cedric despite him shouting over and over again, nothing worked.

"Don't kill Cedric…" Harry said weakly. "I pleaded with him, Hermione. I pleaded with Wormtail not to kill Cedric but he never listened. He trapped me, Hermione, Ron." He looked at his best friend whose eyes had widened in horror and he knew why. He thought of the shelter he had provided to Scabbers as his pet. "The Cup was a Portkey and he trapped me under a statue of Voldemort's father. I couldn't move. I could only watch as they killed Cedric in front of me. Then he took my blood with a knife…without my blood, he wouldn't have come back, Hermione. I told Cedric to take the Cup with me. I saved Pettigrew last year." His words were slowly turning into sobs again and he hated how pathetic he was being.

"I…I love you both, you know that right?" Harry said, looking at both of them before pulling back to look at Hermione slightly as well. He hadn't been able to say this earlier but now that he was here, now that he was alive, he wanted a chance to tell them how much they meant to him before he never got the chance again. He wanted to go to Snuffles and hold him once as well but knew he couldn't right now. He looked to see there were students there who had gathered and were staring at the three of them so he buried his head in Hermione's shoulder blades again. Hermione shifted her position so she was silently shielding Harry as the people broke out into questions. Harry didn't even look up. He knew they had questions but Hermione was warm and comforting and Ron was protecting them both, so right now he wanted to be the one protected for a change.


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay so I'm happy to hear I mostly have decent reviews for this story other than one which I disagree with him but to each his own. Thank you to LucyLuna for pointing out some grammatical errors – that said, if anyone wants to betaread this, please contact me via PM and I'm open to it. This chapter will have Multiple POVs and it's my first time writing them, this fic is quite the experiment after all. I normally don't bash but upon revisiting the books, Dumbledore is quite manipulative so this may be considered bashing but I'm really trying to experiment humanizing him a little since he's meant to be a good character. So how do I write the Trio's friendship everyone?_

* * *

 **2\. The Strength of Love**

Hermione had seen Harry in horrible situations but she had to admit, she had never seen him like this. Of course, she didn't know what nightmares plagued him only that she wished her and Ron were there. When Harry had started talking about what Pettigrew had done, a hot anger burned inside her – that traitor!

After Harry had shown him mercy the previous year in the Shrieking Shack, he dared to be the one to put Harry through such torture. Her own anger died away though as she saw how pale Ron was and how broken Harry was, she didn't know who to reassure first but Harry seemed to have more of a dire need right now so she surged forward, pulling him into her arms. Her eyes watered a little as he broke down on her shoulder because she had never seen him like this.

"Oh Harry," Hermione whispered softly, wishing she could do more for him than just offer verbal reassurances but her mind was reeling with anger and sadness at the pain her best friend had been put through. No person should have to go through so much trauma at such a young age. Her eyes narrowed as a crowd began to form and shielded Harry from it, who did not lift his head now. She was relieved when Ron moved in front of them like a living shield between them and the rest of the world.

"Back off!" Ron shouted to the crowd that had begun to gather around. "Harry doesn't want to talk about what happened so if you wanna know so much, go ask Dumbledore!" He was still shaken from what his best friend had told them but at the same time, he knew Harry needed he and Hermione to be the strong ones right now. Still, he couldn't help the seeping guilt that filled inside of him – if only he had known that his pet Scabbers was really an Animagus, he could have saved some of the pain that his best friend had gone through.

Whispers were still being moved around the crowd so Ron levelled them all with his best death glare, still shielding Harry and Hermione like a living shield. "Listen to me and sod off already!" This did disperse the crowd slightly and he turned towards Hermione. "Get Harry to the hospital wing, Hermione. I'll join you soon." His voice was firm and Hermione didn't dare disobey not that she wanted to anyway. He saw his siblings not moving though and frowned. "Guys…"

"Harry's like family to us, Ron," Fred said firmly. "We want to know what happened."

Ron frowned. "Harry nearly died, that's what happened. He was lured into the graveyard and outnumbered by You-Know-Who and his followers. Do you really think he wants to talk about that? They killed Cedric in front of him, Fred. I have to go make sure he's okay but please…chase anyone away who wants to talk to Harry. He can't deal with this right now." He was trying not to blame himself because otherwise his siblings would be curious on why he felt so guilty and this was not the kind of explanation he really wanted to get into. Fred and George were still about to protest but Ginny stopped them.

"I don't like this," Ginny admitted. "But I understand he needs you more right now so go." Ron was grateful for this and nodded, hurrying off to the Hospital Wing where Madam Pomfrey had put some medicine on Harry's arm where it had been cut and was slowly wrapping bandages around it with her wand. He sat down besides Hermione.

"Is everything okay?" Ron asked her.

"Yeah," Hermione said frowning a bit. "Madam Pomfrey is just tending to Harry's injuries. That…traitor cut pretty deep." In that moment, she had to bite back all the fury she felt directed towards Wormtail because if she could find that coward, she would make him suffer with her own hands. He was the reason her best friend was put through such horrible trauma and the reason he was on a hospital bed right now. "I'll never forgive him." Her voice was low so only Ron could hear and his expression said it all.

"I can't believe I kept him as a pet," Ron said, disgust in his voice as he glared down at his feet. He could not bear to tell his siblings this because if he felt this horrible – his mother would be horrified to know she had kept a follower of Voldemort in her house, letting him sleep in the same room as the kids so he decided to keep this a secret and instead moved closer to Harry. "How do you feel Harry?"

"He can touch me now," Harry whispered as if he didn't really hear Ron. "I'm no longer under my Mom's protection because he used my blood to revive Voldemort to full strength. He can kill me more easily now." There was a sharp intake of breath from both Hermione and Ron. Hermione's eyes filled with tears and Ron was pale white as if he were the one who had endured the torture and not Harry.

Hermione pushed away her tears – she couldn't cry now, not when Harry needed her to be the strong one considering he was so broken himself. She took Harry's hand in her own. "We're in this together, Harry. Ron and I will never leave you alone in this. Not now, not ever." She didn't know what else she could say or do. Wormtail had caused a harm that couldn't be taken back – it was true, Harry was more unprotected now and she wished she could just take him somewhere where even Voldemort's shadow could not harm him but she knew that wasn't possible and she hated that.

It made her heart clench when Harry didn't reply. Nothing seemed to be working – her comfort, Ron's comfort, none of it had any effect on her best friend and she had never before felt this helpless about anything. Suddenly, the door to the hospital wing opened and Dumbledore entered, along with Molly Weasley and a big black dog who hurried over to Harry practically licking his face. Harry begun crying again, wrapping his arms around the dog and burying his head into the other's fur.

Molly's eyes watered. "Harry…" She had never seen her near-son this broken. "You're safe now, you're home."

The dog was whining and continued to nuzzle Harry, trying to bring the distressed boy some comfort although given the fact that Hermione was crying and Ron looked so pale, it wasn't a very encouraging sign. He whined again, almost as if seeking permission for something.

"Yes, you can," Dumbledore spoke putting a simple locking charm on the doors and with a pop, the dog transformed into Sirius Black. Molly let out a scream which Ron quickly cut off.

"Mom relax!" Ron said hurriedly. "This isn't what it looks like! He's innocent."

Molly raised an eyebrow and Ron, with some help from Hermione and the occasional remark from Dumbledore explained the events of their third year and how Pettigrew had been the one to betray Harry's parents, not Sirius. Sirius had stayed silent during this moving to pull his godson close who buried his head in Sirius's chest, shaking and shivering from everything he had been through. Molly on the other hand looked horrified.

"Scabbers?!" Molly said shocked about this. "He's Peter Pettigrew?! Oh god, he slept in the same room as my children for years!" It was clear she believed them, considering she knew Dumbledore wouldn't support a claim that was untrue. She slowly moved towards Harry and Sirius. "Harry…"

Harry who had heard the last part of Peter Pettigrew flinched slightly at the name. "He's the one who killed Cedric too…and tied me up. He used my blood to bring Voldemort back." Sirius snarled at this, holding Harry more protectively than ever and shielding him even from his own friends.

"That traitorous back-stabbing rat," Sirius snarled viciously. "I should have killed him when I had the chance."

"I stopped you," Harry said in a small voice and this quelled Sirius's anger slightly although not for too long as he saw the guilt and self-loathing in his godson's eyes. "I was an idiot. I just didn't think Dad would want his two best friends becoming murderers but I didn't know that letting him live would cost so much that Voldemort would come back. Dad would be disappointed I know. I'm disappointed in myself and I know you probably are too."

"That's not true!" Sirius and Molly said at the same time, both of them being shocked at Harry's words but Sirius more. Did Harry honestly think that he'd blame him for showing mercy? If he hadn't been so furious that night, he would have too realized that James wouldn't want that no matter what Peter had done.

"James would have shown mercy too," Sirius continued on before Molly could speak. "He would have known there would have been consequences but he still wouldn't go against his nature and be completely ruthless. Lily too, she would have been furious but she also would have made the same decision you did last year, Harry. Listen to me Harry." He placed his hands on his godson's shoulders and gave it a gentle squeeze. "James and Lily would have been proud that you managed to hold your ground with what you were going through. I'm so proud of you, Harry. And I'm sure your friends are proud at you taking a stand when most people might have broken down to tears."

"We are proud," Ron and Hermione said together, both of whom didn't want to interrupt but felt the need to put in their two cents there.

"Sirius…" Harry murmured, looking at his godfather through his puffy eyes which had gone red from crying. "But I…back then…"

Sirius shook his head. "You weren't to know. Please stop blaming yourself." He wished there was more he could do but right now, verbal reassurances would have to be enough and that frustrated him, especially when Harry was broken like this.

"I don't mean to interrupt," Dumbledore said stepping forward. "But Harry needs to rest. He's been through a lot, more than any fourteen-year-old should have to go through and this is a slight concern that Voldemort has passed the barrier of his mother's protection."

Harry cringed a little at the bluntness of the statement while Sirius glowered at Dumbledore with such fury that everyone there was worried that Sirius might do something reckless especially Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Slight concern?" Sirius said voice rapidly rising in volume. "He's been put through hell, Albus! Do you even care that he could have died? I know he can't stay with me but I'm sure the Weasleys would be more than happy to keep him over the summer!"

"He must return back to the Dursleys," Dumbledore said almost dismissively and Sirius clenched his fists.

"He's traumatized, Albus!" Sirius cried. "How will those Muggles support him when they don't even know what he's been through?"

"Sirius, it's okay," Harry said timidly reaching out and taking Sirius's sleeve with his uninjured arm. "I'll stay there for a little bit, I guess but I hope you guys call me over soon, I don't want to be alone for too long anymore." He looked at Ron who gave him a shaky smile and Molly who was sobbing her heart out with Hermione trying to comfort her. Were they upset because of him? He didn't know – his mind was kind of still in the shock of everything.

"But…" Sirius began to protest and Harry hung his head.

"I'm just a pawn, Sirius," Harry said dully. "Just a pawn to win this war against Voldemort…it doesn't matter if anyone's using me." Of course, it stung that Dumbledore was simply treating him as if he was a pawn in this entire game but he had always been a pawn. Voldemort wanted to kill him, yes but at least he was honest in what he wanted but the same way Dumbledore was using him as a weapon against Voldemort.

"Harry!" Molly scolded before Sirius could even reply and Ron stared, stunned that his mother had stopped crying that he couldn't even make a move to say anything.

"Don't think that!" Molly continued on, ignoring Ron's staring. "Of course Dumbledore doesn't think you're a pawn! I think he just expected You-Know-Who to eventually break through the barrier and already has other protections in place to make sure you stay safe right?" Her voice became weaker at the very end as she looked to Albus, silently hoping she was saying the right thing. She was however stunned into silence as Dumbledore spoke.

"Indeed I expected it," Dumbledore said calmly as if discussing the weather. "However, the only other protection I have in place is…love. That is something Harry must discover himself. Love saved him last time but since that bond has been destroyed using Harry's blood, he must find a love stronger to repel Voldemort. Love is an emotion Voldemort doesn't understand. Alas, he is one to be pitied." He then reached out, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry, you have friends here. Keep them close." He squeezed the boy's shoulder in a reassuring manner and Sirius looked ready to burst into protests again but one look at Harry's face told him not to say anymore on that.

Sirius looked at Ron and Hermione. "Please take care of him when I can't."

Ron gave him a thumbs up. "Don't worry Sirius. We won't leave his side."

Hermione nodded in agreement, expression firm. "Especially not right now. I swear if Pettigrew ever comes in front of me, I'm tearing him to bits." She had never sounded so angry over anything so this was surprising but what was even more surprising when Ron clenched his fist and nodded in agreement.

"I get first shot, Hermione," Ron said angrily, both at the fact that Scabbers had been his pet and at the fact that anybody's best friend could be that vile as to hurt their best friend's son for their own gain and put them through such pain. Sirius grinned at them both before transforming back into his Animagus form as the doors opened. Molly gave Harry a hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving while Dumbledore sent him one last reassuring smile before following after them.

Ron came on Harry's right side, being mindful of his arm, wrapping an arm around his best friend's shoulders and pulling him close in a comforting hug. He usually wasn't this emotional but Harry needed support right now and he was willing to put his own awkwardness aside if this helped him. Hermione moved to Harry's other side, curling close against him and Harry slowly wrapped an arm around her pulling her into a hug. The three of them didn't speak, just remained close to one another.

It seemed like one of those times when words weren't really necessary because the comfort that none of them were really alone even in this dark time meant everything to them. To Harry, Ron and Hermione's mere presence and touch was reassurance that he was no longer alone, outnumbered and trapped in the graveyard and that was comforting. To Ron, Harry being close was a relief that he was safe and back home with them. To Hermione, Harry's closeness was a promise to herself that no matter what happened, she would never let him be alone again. They were in this together, all three of them until the end.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay so I'm going to say I know I'm focusing on this one a lot but I have ideas for it that I love exploring and especially Harmony because I know this is one of the worst reasons to ship a couple but Harry needs love and Ginny is just a fangirl. Plus Harry and Hermione were so cute to write together in this chapter. So here's to the third chapter of Frozen Wings._

* * *

 **3\. The Unbearable Pain**

Harry had returned back to the Dursleys and whilst they seemed relieved at how quiet he was being, when he would wake up mid-nightmare, screaming and sweating, there were times when Vernon would yell at him to keep it down. However, he had noticed Aunt Petunia didn't say anything to him but did watch him with weary eyes and even Dudley had stopped teasing him too much although he did send a jab every now and then. He wished his friends would call him over already. He didn't like being alone – especially at night, it reminded him of the darkness of the graveyard and he hated being alone against that.

 _I'm sorry Cedric_ Harry shivered, thinking to himself. _I'm sorry I couldn't make anyone except those close to me believe that your death was a murder and not just a tragic accident. I'm sorry you had to die. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._ He was currently lying awake, thinking of the moment Cedric had been shot by the killing curse, thinking of the moment that the light had left his eyes. It had sent shivers down his spine…of course Voldemort wanted to see the light leave Harry's eyes that night and he almost had if it weren't for his Mom and Dad. He got up, unable to sleep any longer and went to go get a glass of water. He heard movement behind him and quickly turned to come face to face with Aunt Petunia.

"Aunt Petunia!" Harry gasped, a little startled. "S-sorry I just wanted some water…"

Aunt Petunia watched him with an odd look in her eyes. "You've been having nightmares."

Harry blinked at the fact that she had even cared about this enough to ask him. "Yeah…sorry I'll try to keep it down."

"That would be good," Aunt Petunia said curtly. "It disturbs Vernon everytime you wake up screaming – can't your friends give you something to make sure you sleep well?" She sounded uncaring but her suggestion was quite apt actually and Harry wondered if his Aunt was actually somewhat concerned.

"I'm not sure maybe they can get me something," Harry agreed and knew it would help him to be able to sleep. He'd grown dark circles under his eyes due to the lack of sleep which was probably the reason Dudley didn't tease him as much anymore or Aunt Petunia had stopped him. He headed back to his room and wrote a letter to Hermione, asking for some kind of potion. Hermione was a lot better at Potions than he or Ron were so maybe she could come up with some kind of Dreamless Draught. He began writing.

 _Hermione,_

 _How are you? Hopefully a lot better than I am. I've had a bit of trouble sleeping so do you think you could whip up a potion for me or something? I appreciate the help despite how difficult I've been lately._

 _Love, Harry_

He sent it off with Hedwig, knowing it was late but really having no other choice right now. He rested his head on the table, trying to close his eyes hoping he'd get some rest somehow from all he had been through. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally and his head was killing him. However, as he closed his eyes, rest didn't come to him. Instead, Voldemort's voice echoed in his mind.

 _Harry tried to run albeit he could hear Voldemort screaming "Don't turn your back on me Harry Potter! I want you to look at me when I kill you! I want to see the light leave your eyes!"_

"No!" Harry lifted his head up immediately. "Please help me! Help, help somebody help!" He was shaking and could vaguely hear shouting but couldn't seem to make out who it was but he did snap out of it when something hit him roughly in the back of the head, almost making him see stars. Finally, he came out of the vision to see Vernon, Petunia and Dudley all staring at him. He realized it was Dudley who had whacked him on the back of the head, Vernon looked irritated and Petunia seemed to be glancing around anxiously, probably worried that the neighbors would hear.

"What's wrong with you?" Dudley asked confused. He had never seen Harry like this.

"I'm sorry," Harry said breathing deeply and not meeting their eyes. "I'm sorry – I just…some things happened last year…and they won't leave my mind, they keep haunting me. I've asked Hermione to send me something – " He was cut off by a knock on the door and Petunia paled a few shades whiter thinking someone from the neighbours had come to complain and glowered at Harry before going to answer the door. Harry squirmed guiltily under the look from his Uncle but was thankful that Dudley wasn't looking at him because he felt bad enough for what happened without it.

"Harry!" Voices Harry hadn't expected interrupted his train of throat and he was suddenly enveloped in a hug by red and brown hair. Realising his two best friends were here, he wrapped his own arms around them, his throat constricting as he couldn't find the words to speak how grateful he was to them for being here.

"Guys…" Harry whispered. "Thank you for coming – Hermione, I need some kind of potion."

The two finally pulled away, Hermione squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

"We've come to take you to the Burrow," Hermione explained softly. "We've asked Professor Snape to brew you a Dreamless Draught so you can sleep but you've spent time here enough and you need a place to feel safe after everything."

Ron nodded in agreement. "Yeah mate, Dad's just outside and everyone's been really worried about you."

Harry wished he could tell them that he wasn't really safe anymore but with how much they were trying to be here for him, he couldn't bring himself to say anything like that so he didn't. He just glanced at his Aunt Petunia who seemed relieved that his friends had come to take him away from here due to all the noise he had been making lately by screaming every single night and sometimes even during the day. The Dursleys left him to it and Ron and Hermione helped him pack his things.

"It's going to be okay, Harry," Hermione assured him. "We're in this together."

Harry managed a small smile at her. "It's dangerous to be with me in this, you know that right? The closer you are to me, the more risk you're at. Look at what happened to Cedric after all."

Hermione took Harry's hand into her own and her eyes flashed with determination. "I've had time to turn back since first year. Ron and I didn't have to go with you through the trapdoor, Harry. We chose too. We've had time to turn back for a long time but we didn't in first year and we won't now."

Harry for a moment found himself lost in her eyes and somehow her fierce determination gave him courage that things would be alright. He squeezed her hand in return, smiling a bit as Ron added in his two cents.

"We're in this together," Ron agreed firmly and Harry couldn't express in words how much that meant to him so he simply didn't and just showed his appreciation by taking Ron's hand into his own as well. They stayed there for a moment before finally pulling away and continuing the packing and meeting Mr. Weasley outside.

"Harry my boy," Mr. Weasley said enveloping him in a brief hug. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Harry lied quickly. "I'm fine – thanks for coming Mr. Weasley." He was glad Mr. Weasley wasn't as pushy as his wife and simply seemed to believe him when he said he was fine. Hermione wasn't so easy to convince though considering she kept glancing in concern his way even as they apparated as side-longs with Mr. Weasley to the Burrow. As Harry entered the Burrow, he was enveloped in a hug by Mrs. Weasley and wrapped his own arms around her. She felt warm – which was the complete opposite to what Harry was feeling right now so it was a nice change but it probably wasn't a good thing that he was so cold yet at the same time sweaty.

"How do you feel Harry dear?" Mrs. Weasley said pulling away from him to look at him.

Harry gave a weak smile. "I've had better days – I really need to get a decent night's sleep though I'm exhausted." A yawn escaped him to prove the point but he looked down. "I'm tired but it still doesn't let me sleep."

Mrs. Weasley looked concerned. "Well, I'll have dinner ready in a jiffy and Professor Snape will be bringing around a Dreamless Draught so why don't you three head to Ron's room while I do that?"

Ron nodded immediately. "Yeah come on mate let's go." He led Harry and Hermione to his room where Harry sat in the middle with Ron and Hermione sitting on either side of him.

"So what did Dumbledore have to say about the whole situation?" Hermione asked, her and Ron having been left out of that conversation when Harry's memories had been viewed that night.

Harry sighed a bit. "Nothing that made much sense to me but maybe you can help me figure it out. You know how he said in front of you guys that a stronger love would be needed? Basically that but in a more complicated way. My mother's love was a protection for me that night because it was an emotion Voldemort couldn't understand. He couldn't understand how anyone could value somebody else's life over their own and that made him weak that night. Dumbledore said I'd need a love equally as strong as that one or stronger to be able to even stand a chance against Voldemort." He had been confused when Dumbledore had explained this to him. Ron was looking as confused as he was but Hermione was pondering this, deep in thought at what that power could possibly be. There was silence in the room but Harry was surprised as he saw Hermione's cheeks begin to tinge a light pink.

He had to blink confused because as cute as Hermione looked, her face all flushed he didn't understand why she had become embarrassed over such a serious situation. Wait, cute? Had he just called his best friend cute? Well, it was true…ever since he had seen Hermione at the Yule Ball, he had realized she wasn't only a bookworm, but a beautiful one even if she didn't work on herself that much occasionally. Before all these events had occurred, he had been considering asking her out but now with everything that happened, he didn't feel worthy of himself, let alone her.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Harry asked, trying to distance himself from his thoughts. She was his best friend and that's all she would ever be because he was much too dangerous for himself let alone for anyone else.

"Did you figure anything out?" Ron chimed in and Hermione bit her lower lip, twirling a lock of her bushy brown hair.

"A stronger love than a mother's love…or at least matched to that," Hermione said softly. "Would be the love of a soulmate. Someone whose willing to give their life for Harry so he can live even if they don't technically give their life. Basically, that love will be as strong as Lily Potter's love for Harry was because that person would be willing to protect Harry with their very own existence if they have to because they can't bear to be without him."

Soulmate? Someone who loved him with all their heart? He'd had a crush on Cho Chang earlier but she had rejected him for Cedric but still…could it mean like a girlfriend? Maybe he should consider being there for Cho and it would make them become closer…he felt a pang of guilt as soon as he thought that. He could never do that to Cedric, not after what had happened. He shivered as he recalled how mercilessly Wormtail had followed orders and killed Cedric.

"Well…" Ron began, trying to give his input into the scenario even though he still looked confused about it to be honest. "I would be willing to die for Harry if it came down to it." He sounded so serious that Harry actually glared at him.

"Don't say that Ron!" Harry snapped, unable to bear the thought of his best friend dying to defend him. He couldn't go on without Ron and Hermione – if anything happened to either of them, he knew he would surrender to Voldemort to ensure his best friends were safe. Hermione sent Ron a scolding glare before continuing.

"Yes – that is a form of love," Hermione said softly. "Sorry Harry I would be willing to as well and I don't regret it by saying it but I think what Dumbledore means is stronger. Harry, do you have a crush on anybody? Cho Chang maybe?"

Harry nearly choked at the bluntness of the question and turned bright red unsure of what to answer right now. He spluttered a little and for a moment, it felt as if everything was normal. He glowered at Ron who was sniggering at him but tried to answer the question without revealing his true feelings. "I…I used to like her last year, I mean she was pretty and good at Quidditch but she was Cedric's girlfriend." His face fell, all of the previous embarrassment gone at the thought of the fact that Cedric was dead because of him resurfacing again. "Besides, I wouldn't wish that kind of fate on anyone. I'm cursed. He's going to kill me sooner or later anyway. Me escaping him that night was simply luck – my parents and Cedric came out of the wand and gave me enough time to make a run for it. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair to anyone I liked in that way because I'll die eventually anyway."

"Don't say that!" Ron snarled so viciously and Hermione had paled so much that she looked ready to cry but she let Ron continue on. "Harry, come on – you're the strongest wizard I know! You beat him twice already in your first and second year and came out of it alive! Not many can say that they fought a Basilisk and live to tell the tale. Sure, you've never faced him at his full strength and you weren't ready right now but don't go thinking this rubbish such as you're cursed or anything. I don't know much about love or anything but if it helps protect you and you do like someone, go for it. You deserve happiness, mate and stop blaming yourself for Cedric. You didn't know the Cup was a portkey nor was it supposed to be. It's not your fault that you have a kind heart and you showed Pettigrew mercy – he didn't deserve it. But Snuffles didn't blame you for it and neither do we."

Harry stared because Ron had started off yelling and it was then he realized how much talking so casually about his own death scared his friends. He was so wrapped up in his own feelings that he didn't even think about the impact his words would have on his friends. He had always seen Ron as expressive but right now he sounded a mixture of angry and terrified, his voice ringing with an authority he had never heard from the other.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Harry trailed off, guilt settling in as a few tears fell down Hermione's cheeks and her lower lip trembled before she threw herself in Harry's arms.

"Oh Harry!" Hermione sobbed out. "Please don't think stuff like that!"

Harry pulled her closer in his arms. "I'm sorry." He didn't like seeing Hermione cry and he had never intended to make her cry although her concern at this made his heart warm a little that she worried so much about him. Her embrace was warm and loving and he didn't really want to let her go. This was the first time since the events of last year that he felt secure and like nothing could touch him. Not to mention, she smelt of roses right now and that felt good. "I didn't mean to make you cry Hermione." He noticed Ron was watching them with a smile and raised an eyebrow at his best friend wondering what he knew that they didn't.

Did he perhaps realise that Harry had been developing feelings for Hermione? Was that why he had been so mad at Krum last year because he felt Hermione belonged with him? Harry didn't want to put Hermione in any more danger by telling her what she meant to him so he kept silent. Being his best friend was dangerous enough along with being Muggleborn – if he did ever ask her to be his girlfriend than she would be almost as much of a target as he was and he didn't want that. Before he could think much more than that though, a sharp pain shot down his scar and he cried out, his grip on Hermione involuntarily tightening.

"Harry," Hermione said quietly as she finally stopped crying. "What is it?"

"He's…" Harry cried out again and Ron moved closer to him, readying himself to catch his friend in case he collapsed. "He's angry about something…there's something he wants but he's not getting it…ow…" He screamed, this time louder than before as it felt as if the Cruciatus Curse was being hurled over him again and he writhed but then just as suddenly as it had come, the pain stopped and he swayed, almost collapsing but both Ron and Hermione steadied him, heaving him onto the bed as the twins and Ginny rushed in.

"What's going on?" Fred asked, concern in his normally light-hearted voice.

"Harry's just in a little bit of pain," Ron assured his brother. "He'll be fine after some rest. Is dinner ready?"

Harry could vaguely hear their voices but could make out what they were saying but he still felt nauseous from everything that had happened so far and frowned. "I'm not really hungry Ron…"

"You need to have a little bit," Hermione insisted, sighing a small bit. "Just small bites and portions if you will but you need your strength Harry and the Dreamless Draught that Professor Snape is sending over cannot be taken on an empty stomach. Please?" She looked into his eyes and regardless of how tired he was, Harry managed a weak nod. If not for himself, he'd try for her sake. He couldn't say no to her concerned face anyway. He rested his head on her shoulder, not even noticing the way Ginny was glaring at Hermione.

"Ok," Harry agreed. "I hope I can get some good sleep then."

Ron reached out and took Harry's free hand. "It'll be okay mate. I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay so since I seem to be a lot more inspired for this one compared to the others – I decided I'd update this first because_ _ **dem bones**_ _posted an amazing review to this story reminding me why I love writing this so much. This is going to merge with canon in this chapter but events occurring will not be the same._

 _Since_ _ **dem bones**_ _brought up Harry's characterization in this story and that he is softer, well I write canon-Harry as a mix of his book and movie self. Don't get me wrong, I love him in the books but there are some points I like movie-Harry better such as the dance scene in Deathly Hallows. Even JKR said it was something she felt a pull towards. So thus I write a mix of the two characterizations, same with Hermione but not really with Ron as I like book-Ron better than movie-Ron._

* * *

 **4\. Dementor Attack**

Hermione realized she was being overprotective by constantly checking on Harry to make sure he ate but given the circumstances, who could blame her? In all the years that she had been Harry's best friend, she had never seen him so broken. _Then again, he's always dueled Voldemort in his weakened state and without his cronies backing him up._ Plus, her and Ron had always been there or at least one of them had always been there until the end. This time, Harry had been taken and she didn't have any idea whether he had been okay or not. Her and Ron had been terrified because Harry and Cedric had been taking much too long to return back to them.

 _Hermione bit her lip nervously as she stood in the crowd as Ron took her hand. She could feel his hands were sweaty in hers and knew he was just as scared. They were taking much too long and the Triwizard Tournament was dangerous._

" _Do you think he'll be okay?" Hermione asked Ron worriedly._

 _Ron tried to smile. "He has to be…I mean it's Harry, he's fought a Basilisk before and actually lived, if anyone can survive the Tournament, it's Harry right?"_

 _Hermione nodded in agreement. "Right, if anyone can survive, it's Harry." Why did it seem like they were both just reassuring themselves that their best friend was fine?_

" _Relax, you two," Fred said appearing besides the two best friends who looked very worried. "Harry will be fine – the tournament time isn't up after all. Harry's tough enough to survive this."_

 _Ron shifted a little. "Yeah. Harry will be fine."_

But Harry hadn't been fine. Ron had been wrong. Her own reassurances had been wrong because her best friend was anything but fine. Not only was he traumatized from everything that, he had suffered so much due to the events of last year and now all her and Ron could do was pick up the pieces and hope that things turned out okay. Her eyes shifted over to Harry once more and was instantly relieved that he had begun eating at the very least even if the progress was slow. However, she sighed as Harry pushed his plate away after a few bites.

"Hermione, Ron, I can't," Harry muttered. "It doesn't seem fair. We're here, relaxing, eating and Cedric's parents…how are they even coping? The Ministry labeled their son's death as a tragic accident because they refuse to accept that Voldemort is back. I really am a failure. I couldn't save Cedric and I can't even bring his death justice."

"Harry dear, that isn't your fault," Molly consoled soothingly before Ron or Hermione could even speak. "The Minister is being ignorant because he's much too afraid to accept the reality of You-Know-Who returning. Harry, he feels the Wizarding World isn't prepared to handle another war. Fear is controlling him right now."

"So what does that mean?" Harry said upset even as Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder and Ron put a supportive hand on his arm. "That he's going to turn a blind eye and give a chance for Voldemort and his followers to become stronger? They're not weak, Mrs. Weasley. They're stronger than you think. And they're cruel…Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy was there in the graveyard. He was smiling as Voldemort tortured me."

Ron muttered a curse at the Malfoys ignoring his mother's chiding and Hermione bit her lower lip. There was no easy way around all of this. Not to mention, Harry was in terrible danger from everything that had happened due to the protection being taken away.

"Harry," Arthur spoke now, trying to do his part in keeping the boy calm. "We're doing the best we can. After you're well rested, we'll be heading to Grimmauld Place, which are the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix."

"The Order of – " Harry began to ask but Molly cut him off.

"Sirius will tell you once we're there," Molly said, a bit sharper than intended. "It's not safe to talk about it here."

Considering how sharp the tone was, Harry didn't question her even though he wanted to but he had a feeling Mrs. Weasley really didn't want to talk about it. After dinner, Harry and Ron went to their usual rooms while Hermione and Ginny did the same. Harry drank a small goblet of the Dreamless Draught and for once his night was a peaceful one without disturbing dreams, which was good because it was something he had needed for quite awhile. He was woken not the next morning but at noon because no one had wanted to disturb his dreamless slumber and Harry had to admit he was grateful for how much the others cared about him. He was woken by Ron gently shaking him.

"Harry," Ron said softly. "Come and have something to eat. It's pretty late now anyway."

Harry yawned, stretching and sitting up. "I've been out for awhile – sorry it's been awhile since I had decent sleep so I slept in and…"

"Mate relax," Ron said laughing a little. "It's why we got you the Draught remember? So you'd sleep peacefully. You look a bit better."

Harry managed a nod and smiled a bit for the first time since the graveyard incident something he could tell relieved his best friend. "Yeah…I do feel a bit better now that I'm well rested and all. Come on, I'll have a bit to eat and then maybe the three of us can hang out?" He knew in his own trauma, he had been neglecting his friends a little and he did feel bad for that, considering he should just be grateful he was back with them and alive.

Ron beamed at Harry. "That'd be great, mate! Hermione's going to be really happy to hear that!"

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at that, knowing that was true. Hermione tended to worry about him a lot and considering everything that had happened, she had a reason to be worried too. He got out of bed, following Ron down to have some breakfast or rather brunch since the time of breakfast had clearly passed and found he was able to eat a bit more than he had last night. He supposed a lack of sleep didn't help with his appetite nor did the nightmares.

"Harry, you look fresh," Ginny said brightly and Harry smiled a bit.

"I slept well," Harry admitted honestly. "Even though I slept in a lot…sorry Mrs. Weasley…I know we were supposed to leave today."

Molly smiled at this. "It's alright, sweetheart. Sirius was quite relieved knowing you were getting some sleep. He's been quite worried but due to the Ministry, it's not safe for him to leave Grimmauld Place. You, Ron and Hermione can hang out and then we'll head on over to Grimmauld Place."

Harry finished up his food just as Hermione entered the kitchen. He noticed how radiant she looked after she had just come out of the shower, her wet hair glistening in the light but he quickly looked down at his own food. "Yeah…that sounds good." He needed to ignore these feelings for his best female friend because he was much too dangerous, he was marked by Voldemort after all. He tried to focus on the fact that he would be seeing Sirius soon and not on Hermione. After he had stacked away his plates, he, Ron and Hermione headed out for a small walk.

"It feels nice being in the fresh air doesn't it?" Hermione said softly.

Harry smiled – the wind that passed through his clothes made him feel good – made him feel alive. _I want to see the light leave your eyes!_ He shuddered, thinking of Voldemort's words to him in the graveyard last summer and subconsciously gripped Ron and Hermione's hands in his own causing the two to look at him in worry.

"Sorry…" Harry mumbled. "It feels good – being able to feel, knowing I'm alive."

Hermione and Ron squeezed his hands in return.

"It's going to be okay, Harry," Ron said immediately. "The memories might not go away but it will get better. Mom's still never forgotten the pain of losing her brothers but it has gotten easier for her."

"It's okay to feel sad for the losses though," Hermione added, looking at Harry. "As long as it's not all you live with."

They had continued walking and Harry understood what Ron and Hermione was saying. It was okay to be afraid. It was okay to ask for help and it was okay to cry, as long as he tried to focus on something more than what had already happened – what he couldn't change. This was a lot easier said than done, he didn't think he could never not blame himself for Cedric but he would try his best to move on from it. It was then he realized they had come pretty far and the area had become pretty chilly. Realising he was still holding onto his friends' hands, he gave them both a reassuring squeeze as they had both started shivering from the cold.

However, he had a bad feeling about this. They had strayed quite far off from the Burrow and the chilly feeling he was getting was similar to the one he had gotten in his third year when…It seemed as if his instincts were proved right and slithery face of a Dementor appeared in front of him causing him to stumble back.

" _Kill the spare."_

" _NO! CEDRIC!"_

" _Bow to death Harry…"_

Flashes and memories from the events of the graveyard were suffocating Harry so deeply that he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Shakily, he tried to reach for his wand, his friends having pulled their hands away to keep their own wands at the ready.

"Expecto..." Harry's voice was weak and the Patronus Charm would not cast itself because if there was a happy memory, it felt so far away. He could hear Hermione and Ron's weak pleas, they were scared and he wished he could do more. He wanted to protect them…but it felt so hopeless, like there was no happiness in the world. Ron and Hermione's voices were so faint, so distant that they seemed to fade away in comparison to his own screams, he could feel his own fear coming back. The fear that he was going to die, the desperation to not give Voldemort the satisfaction by begging him for mercy. The darkness wanted to engulf him and for one moment, Harry just wanted to let go and embrace it.

He wanted to be back with his parents, his mother who would always protect him and his father who by his own brave actions had encouraged Harry to fight back that night so he would die fighting, just like his father had. He could feel his energy withering slowly and knew he should try and fight back, he had to protect Ron and Hermione somehow. He didn't care what happened to him but they didn't deserve this…they had always been there to make him smile, to bring out the best in him. Moments they had shared together came into his mind, laughing after the snowball fight, playing Wizard's Chess with Ron, working together with them to succeed in the tasks of the tournament.

"Expecto Patronum!" Harry cried out and this time a stronger whisp left his wand and a stag appeared pushing back the Dementors. His desire to protect his friends who were on the verge of passing out was stronger than the desire to let the darkness engulf him and thinking of them brought his happier memories to surface before anything dark had hit him. As the Dementors glided away, Harry sunk to the ground and his best friends fell against him. They were both shivering and shaking and to be honest, Harry didn't blame them at all. That was much too close for comfort, all three of them had almost been Kissed after all.

"Harry! Ron! Hermione!" Arthur and Molly's worried voices while a relief to hear sounded more panicked than anything else and that sent a strange feeling through Harry but he didn't question it as they helped the three of them up since they were all quite shaken from it all. Seeing Hermione lean into Molly's hug shivering from fear made Harry feel a pang of guilt – if he had acted faster, his friends wouldn't have suffered. It was all his fault, everything was – everyone suffered because of him. It would have been loads better if he had died instead of Cedric because all he did was cause people pain. His scar gave a twinge of pain but he ignored it, too tired to care about it as he followed the others, ignoring Arthur's anxious glances towards him. The truth was he was worried at the fact that it had taken him so long to produce a Patronus and right now felt himself longing to talk to his old Professor.

Professor Lupin had taught him the Patronus, surely he would know why it hadn't worked initially. Maybe Sirius would know where he was…the two of them were friends after all. He just hoped he'd find some answers for a change.


End file.
